Hallmark Adds New Cards

In addition to its line of coming out cards, Hallmark will be introducing same-sex marriage cards, featuring two tuxedos, overlapping hearts, or intertwined flowers with neutral messages that don’t mention wedding or marriage, making them appropriate for a commitment ceremony as well. “Two hearts. One promise,” one says.

“It’s our goal to be as relevant as possible to as many people as we can,” a company spokesman said. Hallmark has diversified and now offers cards for interracial and inter-religious marriages as well as blended families, difficulty getting pregnant, or going through rehab.

With specificity increasing, look for cards that say:

Call it global warming, I’m hot for you.

Age is a state of mind. Happy fifteenth birthday to an adorable gold medal gymnast.

Thinking of you from across the miles in war-torn Iraq.

Congratulations on not losing your house.

You’re the kind of friend I can turn to when I need a kidney.

Seasons greetings from our asbestos-laden FEMA trailer to yours.

It’s not you, it’s down-sizing.

Wishing you a speedy recovery, especially since you have no health insurance.

There’s nothing more special than a new baby, no matter who the father may be.

Hey, it’s just a student loan you have to pay off, not the national debt.

Your son, the martyr, will always be remembered.